Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Medicine is The Best Laughter

Joke 1:

An elderly couple was attending church services.

About halfway through, she leans over and says to him:
"I just had a silent passing of gas, what do you think
I should do?"

He leans over to her and replies:
"Put a new battery in your hearing aid..."



Joke 2:

The patient asks, "How much to pull this tooth?"

The dentist answers, "$100"

Surprised, the patient questions, "$100 for just a few
minutes work?"

"Well, I can extract it very slowly if you'd like."



Joke 3:

Lena called the newspaper to place an obituary when Ole
died.

The receptionist asked "What would you like his obituary
to say?", to which Lena answered, "Ole died."

The receptionist then asked, "Lena, you get five full
words for free. Isn't there anything more you'd like to
say?"

A long pause followed. Finally, Lena answered: "Ole died.
Chevy for sale."


Joke 4:

A lawyer riding in his limousine one day, suddenly
spotted two men eating grass on the side of the roadway.
Never having seen men graze before, he told his chauffeur
to stop the car. On speaking with the 2 men, the lawyer
learned that they ate the grass because they were too
poor to buy food.

The lawyer then encouraged the two men to accompany him
in his limousine to his home. The two men were overjoyed
by the lawyer's kind offer, but they told the lawyer that
they were unable to come because they could not leave
their families behind. The lawyer, without hesitating,
invited both men's families to come with him to his home.

Each family piled into the limousine, and they proceeded
to the home. Along the way, one of the men turned to the
lawyer, thanking him over and over for taking again their
poor families into his home.

The lawyer turned to the man, saying "Oh, that's no
trouble at all. The grass at my house is twice as tall
as that old field.



Joke 5:

An American, a German and a Japanese man are golfing
one day and, at the 3rd hole, they hear a phone ring.
The American excuses himself, puts his left thumb to
his ear, his left pinky finger to his mouth and proceeds
to have a telephone conversation. When he is done, he
looks at the other two and says "Oh, that's the latest
American technology in cell phones. I have a chip in my
thumb and one in my pinky finger and the antenna is in
my hat. Great stuff, eh?"

They continue golfing until the 9th hole when, again,
they hear a phone ring. The German tilts his head to
one side and proceeds to have a conversation with
someone in German. When he finishes, he explains to
the other two that he has the latest in German
technology cell phones. "A chip in my tooth, a chip in
my ear and the antenna inserted in my spine. The
wonders of German know-how!"

At the 13th hole, a phone rings again and upon hearing
it, the Japanese man disappears into some nearby
bushes. The German and the American look at each other
and then walk over to peek into the bushes. There they
found the Japanese man, squatting with his pants down
around his ankles.

"What on earth are you doing?!" asked the American.
The Japanese fellow looked up and without pause, replied
'Waiting for a fax.'


Joke 6:

A medical student, an Internist, a Psychiatrist, a
Surgeon and a Pathologist go duck hunting.

They barely find their duck blind before the first duck
flies over. The medical student is the first to raise
his shotgun, but unable to tell if the duck is really a
duck, he does not shoot.

The internist aims his shotgun, but can not tell if the
duck is male or female and he does not shoot.

The psychiatrist has the duck framed in his sight, but
then lowers his shotgun, claiming "I know this is a duck,
but does the duck know he's a duck?"

The surgeon quickly raises his shotgun, aims, and without
pause shoots. The duck falls to the ground. The surgeon
turns to the pathologist. "Go figure out if that's a duck or not.'



Joke 7:

Two older, never-married sisters run a small local
pharmacy. One day, a young man approaches one of the
sisters at the pharmacy counter, inquiring what she can
give him for his priapism.

She excused herself to consult with her sister who was
working in the stockroom. After a few minutes, she
returned. "The best we can do is $10,000 and the store."


Tampin

Bile dapat tau je kene gi Tampin on the very first Monday, Mim-Alip-Lam-Sin Disorder aku menjengah kembali, dengan rasa malas nak packing yang amat sangat. Dahlaa baru sampai dr kelantan, x yah unpack apape sangat terus kene gi tempat len pulak.....Although not much to pack pun, tapi still.....rutin sejak tamhidi memang hidup nomad. X de pulak KUIM warning apape mase student nak masuk dolu2....'Para pelajar hendaklah bersedia secara mental, fizikal dan rohaniah untuk hidup berpindah-randah bagaikah gipsi yang nomad, iaitu dari Bangi, ke Riviera 3 ke Canselor ke Pandan Mewah ke Sri Pandan ke Temerloh ke Tampin ke Jelebu.....and the list goes on and on and on....'....at least x de laa 'culturally shocking' (aiceh~) sangat......

Sampai je kat Tampin, bahang dah mula terasa. Tengok rumah....alamak~ telanjang habes ah. Langsir x de...kalu ade pun, railings x de gi......geleng kepale.

The floor is fully mere cemented, except kat dapur. Mop dan penyapu nye x de, dan malas nak beli sebab cuma 4 hari..............geleng kepale lagi.

Tengok katil pulak, waahH~ super single beds, besar sampai cadar aku bawak tuh setegang alam....2nd hand beds kononnye ala2 hotel 5 bintang (yelah sangat~) dan sungguh suci murni dengan habuk untuk anda bertayammum in case panas sangat sampai sume ayor meruap, dan x de satu pun bantal yang kelihatan, bila ditanya pada pihak yang berkenaan, kate BELIAU ini polisi baru kolej kediaman, x kan disediakan dah bantal.....?????? Ingat nak kencing kitorang sebegitu senang ke?? Punyelah siap ade TV brand Samsung, fridge brand Toshiba n set sofa 3 serangkai yang sangat gah...bantal x leh nak disediakan??? Aku dah dapat bayang dah malam2 ku disini will be spent with expected leg pain in the mornings.... aku menggeleng kepale. Lagi.

Tinjau bilik air pulak. Bukak je pintu bilik air, bau semerbak keluar. Mangkuk~ hantu mane berak lam neh??? Dahlaa x de tingkap langsung untuk pengudaraan keluar segale bau, pastu ape lagi, sume bende redirected back into the house le.....hampeh~ sape laa arkitek rumah neh....Saluran air cuma shower, sinki dan toilet flush, x de paip untuk basuh kaki or tadah air lam baldi, water pressure plak cam memalu ayam belanda. Penat dah geleng ni weh!

Solutions:
1. Untuk menggantikan bantal, aku gulung sejadah ngan telekung aku untuk dijadikan alas tempat tidur. Tikah beli bantal baru (RM15 tuh,mahal sehH untuk 4-day stay...kemut~ i know hehe) Ade yang syahid di malam pertama berbantalkan lengan atau sekadar rest the head onto the dusty, mite-laden super-single 5-starred beds....lena sampai pagi.

2. Untuk mengatasi kebogelan dan ketogelan rumah, kami amek kertas pembalut kotak (pembalut TV ke peti ais tah) ......gunting dan selotepkan ke tingkap.....sekali pandang, wahhH~ sangat puas hati, x payah bertudung dalam bilik dan tingkat atas lagi dah pasni (tingkat bawah still togel, sebab sliding door sangat besar, malas nak cover) dan dengan kos sangat rendah (kene beli selotep je)....pandang lelame sket...aiseh~ dah ade gaye rumah penagih dadah. adehhH~








3. Aiseh~ kene beli getah paip neh. Dah beli tapi x muat plak nak masuk, dan x de bende nak ikat nak kasik getah tuh lekat kat paip sinki. Last2, toilet atas di-banned and kept closed forever ---> kene gune toilet bawah. Naseb bek ade paip extra yang muat getah nak masuk dan tekanan air yang sungguh perkasa. Tapi, botol sabun mini aku pulak yang suicide masuk lubang jamban. Cheit~~ kene pau sabun oghang (x mo beli.......lagi)....hehe~





4. Kami pakai slipper everywhere.


So, friends, harap ambil pengajaran....heheheh~

Friday, July 17, 2009

Bargain-ship

Hari ni aku gi shopping blouse (lagi) kat pasar tani Wakaf Che Yeh. Heaven of clothes~ heheh...Anyway, clothes are sold from RM20 to RM45+....depending on your skills of persuasion, charming talks (+the looks when it comes to opposite gender) in the bargain processes. Mine, is more of smiles, and a lil bit pushy. Kakak aku kalu mintak tawar, singgit je die offer suruh akak tuh kurangkan.....adeh~ Last2, baju satu lagi aku yang kene bargain.......

Aku: Abang, ni bape sehelai?
Pakcik tu: Yang ni....RM35 sehelai neh.
Aku: RM35?? (bajet muke tekejut) Alaa abang, kurang laa sket....[senyum, jeling2 (yekkK~)]
Pakcik tu:Jap ek.....

Die pi panggil lagi sorang pakcik.....

Aku:Abang, yang ni x leh kurang lagi ke?
Pakcik lagi sorang: Yang ni, blh bagi RM30 laa....
Aku: Alaa...kurang laa sket gi.....bawah RM30 ke....? [senyum plastik bajet manjalara (manja yang lara) gitu]
Pakcik lagi sorang: X boleh laa...dah abes rendah dah tu...harga kilang dah tu....
Aku:Ni saye beli ngan abang, bukan ngan kilang...bagilaa kurang gi....
Pakcik lagi sorang: Hmm....bagi RM29 laa....
Aku: Alaa...kurang la lagi..RM28 ke....?
Pakcik lagi sorang: Kamu mintak singgit, saya pun nak mintak singgit....
Aku: Logiklaa saya mintak singgit, abang pun nak mintak singgit dr saya...saya bagi RM28 neh...xnak..?
Pakcik lagi sorang: Eish....
Aku: Abang bagi RM28 saye amek.....[kening double-jerk]
Pakcik: Eish.....[die pandang Pakcik yang memule tadi...pakcik memule just sengih je sambil menggeleng]

eish lagi pakcik neh....

Aku
:Betul ni, RM28 saye amek....singgit pun nak berkire ke bang...?
Pakcik lagi sorang: Yelah2......

Barang bertukar tangan......yeay~

Kakak aku gelak je kat tepi.....


Kalu sesape ade skill tawar-menawar yang len, sila ajarkan kepadaku.....time kaceh~

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Lidah

Kakak: Tun, Tun boleh x gulung lidah camnie? (gulung lidah dan dijelirkan...)
Tun: Buleh. (gulung lidah, dan dijelirkan juga...)
Kakak: WaaahhH~
Tun: Ummi x leh gulung lidah kan? (muke berlagak)
Kakak: Kenape ummi x leh gulung lidah?
Tun: Sebab ummi dah tua, kan?

wakakakkakakkakka~~~!!!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Flu --> Septic Arthritis --> Meningitis

Sebelum masuk exam, rase cam bawak otak yang kosong, tak pernah disumbat dengan apape ilmu minit terakhir yang barangkali berguna untuk kegiatan tembak-menembak aci taram dalam MCQ. Exam dalam makmal sejuk beku lak tuh...hampeh~

Semasa exam, ade doktor2 yang menjaga kitorang tuh mundar-mandir...tah bape kali Dr. P belek2 kertas aku, bisik2 kat belakang saying things like 'i dont want to bother her so much' thingy...dibagi nye hint sket2, tapi kalu hint tuh berguna x pe lah gak....ini mengantoikan soalan UTI aku ade lah.....yang aku gi caye bulat2 tanpa fikiran waras tuh sape suruh, sangat bongok~

Pas written exam, sempat gi layan transformers kat MBO ampang jap, ilang ke mane tah hydronephrosis ngan meningitis tuh...heheh~

Time clinical, ade pulak makcik..eh akak tuh gi cite history anak die tunggang langgang. Aku bagi open-ended question, terus blur x tau nak jawab ape. Last2, aku bagi MCQ-style + close- n open-ended questions as well [ I know it's kinda wrong, but i absolutely had no choice]....lebih kurang cenggini le cite yg berlaku. Aku dah x bape igt dah flow cemane, aku snirik pon gelabah abes, men taram je ape terlintas...

Aku: Akak, anak akak ni masuk sbb ape?
Akak: Kaki kiri anak akak ni bengkak. Dah seminggu, x elok2

Aku pun tanye lah soalan2 yang patut dan tidak patut kat akak tuh berkenaan ngan kaki nye.

Aku: Ade demam skali tak? Sebelum kaki bengkak nih mmg anak akak sihat betol ek? x pernah sakit pon ye?
Akak: Demam x pernah. Die x pernah sakit, bagus die ni.
Aku: Alhamdulillah. Lepas tuh, kak? Dah x jadik nak bedah kaki anak tuh, stay dalam wad jelah? sampai kul bape?
Akak: Katenye nak wat kul 8 pg esok. tapi tunda jugak sebab anak akak ketar2 tangan.
Aku: Ketar tangan? Kenape, sejuk ke?
Akak: Anak akak sawan. [muke rileks]

Rahang aku dah jatuh ke bawah skejap sblm aku tarik balik dan cover muka selamba

Aku: Oooo..sawan. pastu akak wat ape?
Akak: Akak bagitau nurse, die terus panggil doktor cepat2.
Aku: Doktor tuh watpe?
Akak: Doktor tuh bagi oksigen je.
Aku: Oksigen je? Ubat? Mase tu tgh ketar lg ke?
Akak: Die ketar tu skejap je. Kali pertama die ketar pun skejap je.
Aku: Kali pertama? Die pernah sawan ke sebelum ni kak?
Akak: Akak x tau itu sawan. Dah 3 kali dah die cenggitu sblm nak gi bedah tu....akak ingatkan ketar biase sebab sejuk.

Bilik isolation itu sungguh tidak sejuk....

Aku: Bape lame die ketar setiap kali? Kaki ngan tangan due2 belah cemane, keras ke, atau goyang2? Ade nampak mate die cemane? Ade air liur meleleh? Ade die terkencing, terberak sume?
Akak: Akak x tau, x amek kesah pulak. Sebab akak xtau itu sawan kan, so, akak x amek kesah sangat. Yang akak perasan cuma tangan due2 belah goyang2, pastu mulut die berbuih. Mate ngan kaki, akak x perasan. Kencing ngan berak pun akak x perasan, sbb die masih pakai pampers kan. Lepas ketar tuh, die terus lena.
Aku: Yang akak panggil nurse tuh kenape?
Akak: Nurse tuh datang cek darah die yang besa2 tuh je. Mase tuh kali ke-3 die cenggitu, akak tanye nurse tuh, anak akak ni ok ke? Terus die panggil doktor. Mase doktor dtg tu die dah lena balik dah, dah x sejuk dah. Mase tuh doktor cakap anak akak tuh sawan.
Aku: Pastu akak? Ape jadik?
Akak: Itu je lah.....

Aku pun teruskan laa amik history yang lain2.....dah sampai ke drug n allergy history....

Aku: anak akak ni x pernah amik ubat apape kan sebelum ni?
Akak: cuma ubat yang doktor bagi je lah. Ubat antibiotik je. Kalu yang kat dalam NICU tu akak xtau apape.
Aku: NICU? Bile die masuk NICU??
Akak: Lepas ketar tuh doktor suruh masuk NICU...

Aaaaaaa~~tadi akak kate dah x de apape......huuhuu~~

Aku: Ooo....ok2. Pastu kat NICU ape jadi?
Akak: Akak x tau, akak x masuk memula. Dia bagi bilik khas untuk mak2 duduk.
Aku: Doktor x bagi akak tgk anak akak ke? Akak x tau apape pasal anak akak kat dlm NICU tu?
Akak: Tak. Langsung x tau.
Aku: Pastu, yang operation untuk anak kak tu bile die buat?
Akak: Hari ke-2 dalam NICU doktor buat.

kate tadi x tau apape.....

Aku: Ooo...dah bedah mase dalam tu laa. Pastu, anak akak ok laa? Dah x ketar dah ke? Bape hari anak akak kat dalam NICU?
Akak: Ok je, dah x sawan dah lepas tu. Akak x igt laa bape hari duk dalam tu. bape lame duk dalam wad ni pun akak x ingat dah. Hari ni bape haribulan pun akak dah x ingat dah, doktor.
Aku: [mati aku] xpe2 akak. kak jangan risau k. x ingat x pe. [senyum plastik]

tah ape tah aku amek history dr akak tuh....dah sampai family history....

Aku: anak2 akak sume sihat ye? x de apape penyakit ye? mase die sakit pon x de yang sakit?
Akak: sume sihat je. cume anak akak yang ni (tunjuk ke arah patient) sebelum bengkak kaki ni die seme-seme sket.
Aku: seme-seme?

[aku paused skejap, pk menatang apekah seme-seme ini]

Aku: Owh, selsema???

Akak kate tadi die x pernah sakit sebelum ni...uwwwaaa~~
dan aku terpaksa go back to HOPI blk n write arrows here n there.....

She denied to the very end of any febrile episodes. When i touched her daughter's hand for examination, she was freakin' hot!

Aku: Akak, akak pasti ye anak akak x pernah demam?
Akak: Memang die x pernah demam.
Aku: Kalu skarang ni, akak x rase die demam la? [aku suruh die pegang tangan anak die]
Akak: Ini panas biase je ni. Bukan demam ni.

AKAK!!! ANAK AKAK DEMAM LAAA~~~!!!! Mahu saja kujerit sekuat hati....sekuat dalam hati je laa.....

Pastu, ade student nurse buat observation, aku curik2 tengok BP, SpO2, n temperature......terkejut beruk aku tengok temperature chart anak die. baseline temperature was 36.5, n there were multiple up-shootings and spikes throughout her ward stay.......TAK PERNAH DEMAM AKAK KATE?????

haih~ tengah wat examination yang pakai aci-taram n asal-sempat methods, aku dipanggil.

[mati aku]

Aku cite kesukaran aku kat Dr. Z, my examiner, n she kindheartedly gimme injury time to rearrange my history n presented to her without having to bother about physical examination, coz she already knew that there would be no positive findings in that patient. Discussions summore...bla bla bla~

Short case ngan Dr. N, dapat case hinese boy presented with pallor, frontal bossing, hepatosplenomegaly---> most probable disgnosis would be thalassemia. X de lah ketaq lutut sangat, sbb patient tuh ade crush ngan aku ahax~

Lepas exam, rase cam nak ketuk kepale pun ade...sebab rase cam dah x de tujuan dalam hidup. not that i mean the exam is my purpose of life,NO! mokcik bukan cam iqbal haziq~ hehe

Sampai kat rumah, lagi lah terbiar dan terus-terusan melangut. Bosan sekejap, tidur. Lapar ke tak lapar ke, tetap akan mengunyah. Pantang ade yang nak keluar ke mane-mane, aku pasti ikut. Kononnye sekadar menghilangkan bosan dan mencuci mate. Sempat jugak laa sambar blouse 2 helai, baju tidur sehelai...so much of 'window shopping'.....hehe~

Saturday, July 4, 2009

JoM~

Bila mana rasa Mim-Alip-Lam-Sin Disorder menjengah,

-rasa mahu terjelepuk dek malaise, lethargy and input shock,
-sendi dan otot bengkak, lenguh dan lemah, serebrum macam autohibernasi ---> transient -ischemic attack progressing into stroke,
-tangan sudah sianotik dan kecut + digital clubbing,
-mata dari exophthalmos sudah jadi complete ptosis,
-dan terus-terusan ingin tidur --> daytime....uhhH....all-time somnolence.



Membilang hari, bila kan boleh diletak titik noktah penyeksaan rohaniah tanpa belas ini.



aku rindukan tilam kat rumah
aku nak main2 ngan kanak-kanak yang ade pertalian darah ngan aku je.
aku nak selerakkan dapur rumah aku, masak tah hape2, kalu x boleh dimakan pun x pe
aku nak bermalasan depan tv tengok nur kasih




aku tak nak fikir apape lagi dah
jomlaa mogok xmo exam~
:D




ok, dah la tuh mokcik...meh study meh~

Friday, July 3, 2009

Mansuhkan Peperiksaan~~!!

Exam dah nak setat
Mula lah USIM kene bayar extra bil letrik.....
Sebab aku tersembam atas buku (atas katil) tanpa hiraukan lampu yang masih terang
Juga bil air....
Sebab nescafe bergelas2 ---> diuretics~!

Hati tak tenang, x keruan, resah dan gundah

Gelabah bila pesakit x makan umpan muka manis dan tawaran mainan yang dah terburai

Gerun bila fikir dunia akan gelap gelita bilamana pesakit menangis dan merengek

Rasa ingin pitam, tergolek semua organ dalaman bila disergah oleh doktor..apatah lagi ditepuk di belakang adeh~ boleh dapat situs transversus

Rasa sangat tidak gembira bila hanya gema soalan doktor didengar tanpa balasan...yang tepat.




simpul nya

I hate this feeling


Allah, grant our wish for peaceful heart and clear mind.
Good luck, friends~