Once upon a time....dalam keluarga Pak Zamri.....

The followings are actual scenes happening in the movie of my life, as well as the subject's life. Yes, the subjects are my siblings. I tend to keep it as anonymous as possible as not to humiliate any of them. Enjoy them as much as I do.

BABAK 1:

Sebelum gi skolah, ummi mesti bagi kiss n ucapan salam kat si Tun (bukan nama sebenar). Pernah sekali tu, umi dah bagi, tp dia lak ralit tengok tv, so otak dia x register langsung the already-done morning routines. Punyelah meraung, menangis mengadu kat abah,

'umi x kiss Tun...umi x cekek (kecek = cakap, tp die slalu jumble up sume suku kate) salamualaikum kat Tun, umi dah gi skool...'

uwaaa n uwaaaa some more.....sampailah kat sekolah baru die berhenti. Time ummi ambil dia dari tadika, nampak je ummi terus menangis mengadu bende yang sama. Sampai je kat rumah, dia mengadu kat aku, kat adik perempuan aku........n juga kat bibik. Abah lagi skali. haih~

BABAK 2:

Gigi kapaknye baru je nak tumbuh. Besau lak tuh. Diapit oleh 2 batang gigi taring susu yang tak mau gugur. Gigi susu lain? Ade yang lenyap terus, ade yang patah sebab cube gigit tulang peha ayam, ade yang goyang sebab gi langgar bumper keta, ade yang dah berupa stalaktit dan stalagmit hangit.

Bahananya?
1)Nak bukak plastik makanan pakai gigi tak boleh, sebab geografinya yang tidak sekata.
2)Kalu die mewarna, selalu bukak mulut. Pastu, ade laa air terjun niagara turun....sebab takde 'pagar depan' yang sempurna dalam mulut, air nya turun mencurah2 tanpa ditahan. Time tidur pun sama.
3)Selalu kene gelak. Kalu orang suruh tunjuk gigi, die tunjuk gigi susu barisan bawah sbb yang tu cam elok sket. The rest, kene pakai jek kot kalu nak tengok. But, there's not much to see, really.
4)Orang lain mesti tanye, 'mane gigi?' Kalu aku yang dah waras dan baligh, mesti aku rase annoyed ngan soalan begitu. hahahaha~

BABAK 3:

Satu (salah satu) pantang Tun ialah ummi n abah aku sikit pun x leh bersentuhan, hata kain yang sedang dipakai. Kalau ummi n abah duk sebelah menyebelah, ade lah karang die berlari2 tetibe menyelit antara mereka. Kalau bersentuh jugak, die bagi warning dulu.

'ummi/abah, sentuh tu(sambil menunjuk ke arah yang bersentuhan)...tak boleh, Tun je boleh sentuh....'

Kalau x berganjak jugak, menangis lah...ape lagi. N she knows, her cry can make anything happen. When somebody ask why, dia tersipu2 n kate,

'Tak leh, laki n puan kalu rapat nanti die akan kiss kat mulut pastu die kawen...'

HOHHH??? [ni mesti tengok cite omputeh banyak sangat nih.......]

Kalau adik beradik lain sentuh ummi, walaupun perempuan, pun x boleh. Katenye itu ummi die je, bukan umi orang lain. Ya rabbi.....

BABAK 4:

Peristiwa toilet. This one is really hard to forget. Really. When we're little, it's not awkward for brothers and sisters of about the same age group taking baths together. And this is the scene afterwards:

Siti: Ummi, ummi.....kenape Siti (bukan nama sebenar) punya tak sama ngan Johan?
Ummi: Ape yang x same nye?
Siti: Kenape Siti punya (sambil menunjuk ke arah *toot*) tak panjang macam Johan (bukan nama sebenar)?

Umi aku pandang aku kat tepi....aku dah terguling-guling dah~~

BABAK 5:

Tun ketika umurnya 6 tahun.

Tun: Ummi,Ummi...ummi tua dah kan?
Ummi: Ya, ummi dah tua.
Tun: Kema...Kema! Kema pun dah tua kan?
Akmal (nama sebenar): Eh, muda lagi lah! Mane pulak tua nye...? [it was like a slap in my face,really....]
Tun: Kema dah tua dah laa. Tun yang muda lagi.
Akmal: Tun tau macam mane orang muda ke tua ke...?
Tun: Yelaa.....Kema dah ade bintik-bintik kat muka...tua lah tuh!

Adik aku yang sorang lagi dah gelak gile. Aku blah dengan hati yang bengkek. Cilakak~

BABAK 6:

Siti ketika umurnya 7 tahun. Baru mula sekolah katakan....Hari tu baru dapat balik kertas peperiksaan penulisan BM dia. It was about the family, rasenye.....or was it about father thingy... Here's a pinch of what so hilarious about the essay:

'Ayah saya pera burung. Tiap-tiap hari, burung itu berkiut-kiut. Saya main dengan burung itu bila kelik dari sekolah. Saya suka burung itu.'



We never had a bird. Before and ever.

BABAK 7:

Moyang aku, whom we call Mok, tinggal dengan kami sejak kami kecil lagi. Now, she is about 96 years old. Alhamdulillah, panjang umur dia. Biasalah, kalau kat rumah, orang tua hanya akan berkemban sahaja, selesa dan senang. Tun ni sangat observant indeed, but she draws her own definite conclusion from what she sees without consulting the adults. What happened next was she cannot stand disagreement.

Tun: Ummi, abah lelaki, kan?
Ummi: Ya, abah lelaki. Ummi lak?
Tun: Ummi Pempuan. Tun pempuan........(sume yang perempuan die listkan)
Ummi: Yes, bagus Tun ni, pandai anak ummi. Tapi, Mok pulok, pempuan ke lelaki?
Tun: Mok lelaki lah , ummi!
Ummi: Eh, kenapa pulak Mok lelaki?
Tun: Sebab Mok pakai kain je, macam abah......

Everytime somebody tried to correct her, she'll cry her magical cry out loud and forced the wise adults to finally submit to her ridiculous proposal.

BABAK 8:

We were watching 'The Biggest Loser' show on Hallmark. For those who may not know, it is a reality tv show where fat and obese people will compete in losing weights. During the weigh-in sessions at the end of every week, the females will have to stand on the scale wearing tights and sport bras whereby the males are without their shirts, wearing only three-quarter pants. The view are really...uhhH.....laughable (?)......overflowing fat and skin flaps, puffy faces, and gynaecomastia. Tengah-tengah duk gelak tu, ade dialog berlaku.

Tun: Abah, gotu abah kecik je kan?
Abah: (pandang ummi....apelah yang die nak cakap ni) Ape yang kecik nye tu...?
Tun: Tuuu~ [sambil tunjuk ke breast abah]

P/S: gotu = bende tu
Ummi aku dah tunduk duk tahan gelak. Siti dah tergolek-golek dah.....



And then......


Tun: Eh, perut dia macam perut ummi!

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Ade lagi scenes yang lain, tp x sesuai nak cerita kat public...you know what happens when a child grows up in an environment where everybody is adult, and with the very creative and explorative mind they have, the outcomes are hilarious. They're absolutely free to ask just about anything at all, without having to oblige to customs, ethics, gender. etc......Orang takkan kutuk budak-budak kecil yang bertanya tentang anatomi, kan? hehe